The Early Days
High school was an era of my life I never want to repeat.
Not because it was a nightmare. Yes, there was a little turbulence, but mostly bewilderment and embarrassment.
When I went to prom my junior and senior years, I didn’t even get a kiss at the end of the night. I spent $100 for the dinner, $100 for both the tickets, $75 for the limo and 150 for the tux rental.
What a young man will do for a taste of those sweet walls.
To think of where I was then, to where I am now is nothing short of a miracle. Even though at age 17, playing 4 sports and in better shape than 95% of my peers, I had zero esteem for myself. I thought I was a little shithead. I thought girls didn’t like me. Guys disrespected me. My social life was a complete disaster.
I remember one instance at a bar in Florida where I litteraly got rejected 40 times in a row. Brutally. Some said “WTF No.” “Uhhhh I have a boyfriend”…. and I swear to god…”get the fuck out of here bud”. I didn’t know why this was happening to me. I was in great shape. Had a 6 pack. I’m 6″1′. I didn’t understand.
Funny story; I was so distraught that night I asked a gay couple to dance with me, to my surprise they said yes. I didn’t dance with them but my friends saw me and gave me shit for the next few years.
But enough of the past…
The Rule of Relationships
To know your worth means to know that you are better than given circumstance and do something to change the outcome.
I remember when I used to let girls run over me. I used to buy them everything they requested. Dinner. Clothes. Drinks. But then I learned something…
“The person who cares the least has the most power.”
How about that?
I’ll use Trump for an example because he seems to be all the hype nowadays…
Do you wonder how Trump came about? How he became so popular? How his name oozes of emotion?
Look at his debates. The other candidate will be speak and he won’t even acknowledge them.
You see that?
The other candidate will call him names; ugly, bigot, racist, ignorant, and Trump’s just ice.
Trump knows the rules of power and uses them time and time again to defeat his opponent. He uses his “trump” card and just as expected, his opponents keep putting more and more effort in just for them to look weak and powerless. See Jeb Bush.
Location. Location. Location
When I was younger, even in college I had no esteem for myself. I was a sexual anxious virgin, weird with little friends. I walked around with my head held low and shoulders slumped over.
I was a pushover.
Even when I read some self-help “guru’s” secret, “VISUALIZE SUCCESS! FAKE IT TIL’ YOU MAKE IT!” Shit never worked. You could just see in my eyes that I was a beat man.
I had thrown in the towel.
It wasn’t until I went abroad for the first time that I found my worth. I didn’t know what it was at time but now I know.
It’s very simple and I wish that everyone knew what I know.
The way to find your worth is to RESTART. Go someplace new. Go somewhere that doesn’t remind of you of your past. Go somewhere that will add excitement and vitality in a world full of comfort and laziness. And design who you want to be. Find your ideal self and be it without any outside judgement.
If that means to cut off some friends, your girlfriend, so be it.
I had the biggest paradigm shift of my life when I went overseas. Women valued me. Men respected me. I had amazing friends. And I was comfortable in my own skin.
That was something I couldn’t say back in my hometown.
Don’t Cross That Line
Travelling abroad taught me how to set boundaries. To have boundaries is to have respect for yourself. In the above video, Trump will interrupt you and when you interrupt him, he will call you out on it. Making you look inconsiderate and weak. Jeb doesn’t have strong boundaries while Trump does.
Of course Trump sometimes pushes it with his boundaries, but he makes a great illustration…
If someone disrespects you, that is a subtle jab at your character. Some people call this a shit test. But I call it testing the waters. If they can become comfortable disrespecting you they will continue to do so, and to a greater extent.
If you’re interested in taking a trip abroad, check out my travel hacks here.
-Black Man Abroad